Sharing Time: Are Your Parents Strict?
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Have you ever felt like you got no hold on your life? Your major life decisions are made by someone else? You can't stay out late. You have to study hard. You can't date. You can't talk long on the phone. You're phone's confiscated for having bad grades or going out with the wrong crowd...
I use to fight with my mom a lot. Being an only child, she was very intensely strict with what I do. I hardly go out with friends and if I do, my dad drives me to and fro the clubs (how embarrassing, right?). Mom decided which school I went to, what course I took and she ingrained the idea in me to pursue law. I wanted to be in Communications but we know that didn't happen.
Suffice it to say, I live much the same way as many girls in my country do. Our upbringing is very conservative. But somehow, I found ways to circumvent the rules... hence, becoming unruly. I was always in trouble. Learned how to drink at a very young age (first year high school) and smoke (sixth grade). I stayed up late talking to boys. Had my first french kiss in first year high school and had a few boyfriends, too.
But becoming an unruly didn't stop me from finishing my obligations to my parents. I knew we didn't have a lot of money so If I got into drugs, I know that my mom wouldn't have money to send me to rehab. If I get pregnant, I knew that the guys I dated back then wouldn't have two cents to rub together to feed me and my kids....
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You know what my mom did? She tricked me all through my growing pain years. In psychology, we call this Pavlov's Classical Conditiong Theory that if a guys wanted more than I am ready to offer him, my panic attack would start and I would get real paranoid. Somehow, I had bells ringing in my head whenever I get too far from home, drank too much and partied too much. My heart would be beating fast as I walk towards my house. I was dead scared of my Mom.
Ever since I was a young girl, I really like all my stuff fancy but I couldn't. I love anything expensive. I know a drugstore lipsticks from Chanels and Estee's. I knew what Prada and Gucci is back in the day and I would prefer them to the popular Sanrio or Lisa Frank's. Remember those Prada headbands? I coveted them like crazy when I was in sixth grade. mom conditioned me that if I finish law school, become a lawyer, I would have everything I ever wanted. A nice condo, a cool car, fancy bags and money to travel with. She said that I could visit Europe anytime I want and that I could afford a Louis Vuitton bag. Imagine what that would do to a young impressionable materialistic girl.
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We didn't have a lot of money then so my Mom told me almost all the time since I started growing boobs, having pubs and crushing on boys, that IF and WHEN I do get pregnant with no education, I would never have any of those things. Having no college degree to apply for work with, baby to feed and baby stuff to buy... I will have no money to spend on anything, much less, my napkins. And she was adamant that she would not help me either. At a young age of fourteen, I started believing her.
Yes, I was sort of liberated and.. yes, I did a lot things that I regreted... but nothing as big as getting into drugs and having a baby at a young age and out of wedlock. I know many out there have survived these things and they are very well off right now... but not everyone could be as tough as them. I have witnessed many girls who got into those situations and having a hard time with their lives. Not everyone could be so lucky...
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As for me, I was glad I didn't have to test the Fates. I'm not sure if I'm going to be as strong as those women who survived single motherhood and drug rehabilitation.
Now that my mom is gone and I have ALL the freedom and independence in the world. I do get what she did when I was growing up... I now understand that she had very good reasons and that is not to take away the happiness of a teenage girl. It's not that she didn't want me to grow up same as any normal girl would, but she knew the temptations around me and she knew that at that age, I wasn't strong enough to ward it off.
My mom become overprotective because she knew that I want to belong, trying to impress the cooler crowd to like me, try to be cool like them and feel I'm part of them. She's scared that I might fall into a trap of my own making. She knew that I was emotional that if I had a boyfriend, I may not think twice of giving up my virginity to him and him being stupid for not using any protection..
She was just being a mom...
And had I known I'd have this freedom to finally decide everything in my life, unanswerable to anyone but me... I would have saved her the trouble and just studied hard and went to bed early. I wouldn't have fought with her every step of the way...
So if you're a girl who was once like me.. listen to your parents You don't have to agree with them but know that they mean well. I know that there are bad parents, too.. but I'm sure you know better than to think your parents are like that...
Believe me, you'll save yourself and your parents lots of trouble by just doing what they tell you to.... Sooner or later, we don't know, they will reliquish their parental hold and let you go... and when that time comes, you wouldn't want to.
You'd want to be their little girl forever. You'd still want your mom calling you and asking you to go home. You'd still want her teaching you things you still don't know (because believe me a lifetime is not enough for a mother to guide her daughter). You'd want her to advise you on the things you can't understand. And more so, you'd just want them near you.
I may not have finishes my law school degree and have all those fancy things... but I am now enjoying the freedom that she now gave me. I can go out anytime I want, I can afford some things I want (although getting that LV is taking quite a while) and I am now the sole person to decide what I do with my life. I am my own person now.. Thanks to my Mom.
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| Photo Credit here |
So, please.. don't try growing up too fast. You'll have a lot of time in the world to be all that you want to be. I promise you. Cross my heart.
P.S. I have nothing against single moms nor drug addicts. What this post is saying is not everyone is strong enough to overcome those trials so better think twice before doing anything rash with their lives.
13 comments
Nice read sisterhood! I agree, you are the single person who owns your life and you must stand up to whatever decisions you make ! My mom is strict when I grew up and siguro lucky her na I wasn't looking into "wild life" anyways, hehhe so hindi ako naging matigas ang ulo! :)
ReplyDeletenice post shen :D
ReplyDeletesomehow thankful sa pagiging strict ng mom and dad ko and xempre sa religion namin!
hindi ako naging baklang pariwara o baklang bastusin!
never ko din na try mag drugs o mag layas :D
i started smoking dn nung grade 6 ako and my first exp with alcohol is 1st yeah high school :D thank do na stop ko na pag smoke at pag inom ilang years na din ako clean huh :D
I think it's really important that we mature talaga. Thank God we're okay as not many of us are lucky.
ReplyDeletehehehe! that's so cool. kaya naman you're so blessed! :) Tita is so lucky to have a daughter like you!
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Shen! when we were young we used to cry out that we have no freedom. But it's within their helm, and guidance that molds us into people that have control over their lives, as well as a good, discerning mind.
ReplyDeleteNice post =) My parents give me too much freedom (compared with other friends in my 'group') but thank god I didn't misuse (much, anyway LOL) all that freedom.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing, shen. i really appreciated this post, and the honesty. my mom wasn't as strict but of course madami pa ring bawal. thanks to her, i have a fairly good idea of how i want to raise my kids in turn.
ReplyDeleteps. i know of a girl who got pregnant at 18 and having a baby actually propelled her to study even harder and eventually graduate summa cum laude. now she's happily married to the father of her kid and successful in her career. i guess it really just all boils down to how you deal with difficult situations. :)
I know a lot of girls the same way... but many who aren't either. That's why my mom instilled in me to just wait.. everything will happen for a reason. I'd probably be a lot more strict nga when i have kids na since nakakawala ako sa mom ko dati.. :) ika nga, papunta pa lang sila, pabalik na tayo. LOL!
ReplyDeletei have friends who have parents much like yours and they are very okay in their lives. :) depende talaga. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree sis. We talked about this once.. in the end, we were both thankful on how we were raised. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good post, Shen. My parents were strict too and there times I got mad at them but now that I'm grown-up I realized that they only wanted the best for me- to finish my studies and land a good job.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was still studying, I wasn't allowed to party and have sleep-overs. If I do projects at my classmates' house, they bring and fetch me whatever time it is. They also get the landline number of the house where I would be staying. Also, my curfew is 6pm. Yes, that early!
I'm so lucky to have parents who brought us very well and I will forever bring with me all the values they taught us. :)
very well said... thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful post. I have strict parents and sometimes it does get a bit too much, but it's okay. I know I'll be thankful for it in the future. :)
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear from you!