I'm a happy person. I'm talkative. I'm active and most of the time, hyperactive. I always try to see the best in other people and as much as I can I try not to put down myself. I always was a positive thinker but at the same time inside, I'm also weak. Like everyone else, I, too, have my own issues, insecurities...

But how much does these issues and insecurities hunt me in my daily living?

From the outside, I may see the happy-go-lucky-whatever-may-come kind of girl. But deep inside, I'm a whole lot of mess. Is my tummy showing? Am I too fat? Was I too noisy? Did I say something wrong? Should I have dressed down? My mind is whirlwind of chaos that I often wonder if I still function as a real person or my insecurities are eating me up.

Sometimes I feel like it is. To my friends, I try to be their pillar of strength, the one to boost their morale. To tell them that they deserve the blessings they have, that no matter how difficult the situation is, they can surpass it. A perpetual cheerleader, one friend said I was. But how does one boost one's self?

Through the years, I found ways of improving my morale or outlook in life by just a few simple things that I do.

First, I try not to rely too much on others. Being an only child, I realized very early that I can't depend on others to be happy. I can't just drag anyone because no one is obligated to be with me. I was even accused before of buying off my friends just so I don't have to be alone. It really hurt me. But then I realize that that never was my intention that I did all those things because I was just trying to be a good friend with them. If they felt obligated to be with me, then it's not my problem.

Second, try to filter out the negative things. People will talk behind my bank and sometimes right in front my face and tell me I'm this and that. I was ignored, left out and and snubbed. Again, those hurt me but that's normal. I'm human after all. I did cry it out when I was young, now that I'm older, I just see it as another stepping stone in becoming a better person. Yes, it still hurt though.

Third, I can't always have my own way. Accepting defeat is as easy as swallowing a handful of nails. Whoever wanted to lose anyway? But life taught me well that I can't and won't have everything. Only those that I need. And I should work with that.

Fourth, learn how to defend myself and be more assertive. Now that I'm all by myself. I try to defend myself whenever I feel I'm being taken advantage of. Since my momma left me, I had no one to me defend me anymore..Who else would do it for me, right? Now whenever I get a bad service, I assert my rights as a customer for the decent service I deserve. I'm not saying that I became a war-freak, I just made sure I fight my own battles. I assert myself in the most appropriate way and when they don't listen to me, I make myself heard. Little things like that improve my constitution and I become more aware of my rights.

Fifth, I try not to keep a grudge. Hard to do but doable... Sometimes takes awhile for me to do it but its doable.

Sixth, I try not to be envious of those who have more than I do. It can't be helped but I often wish that I have more in life. But I know that I shouldn't be... being aware of this fault helps me find my way back into the light. Instead, i try it to motivate myself to achieve higher goals to improve myself and my lifestyle.

Seventh, that change is inevitable and acceptance is the only way around it. I can't help that there will be things that are beyond my power and control. The best way to get use to it is to just go with the flow. Allow the current of change to overtake me.

Lastly, is to be happy with my life. I have so much that I can't even believe it. Really, we just need to count our blessings and the rest doesn't matter. I can't always let my issues and insecurities eat me up when I have so much to be grateful for. I have a family that understands and loves me. I have friends who are there for me and gets my quirks and insanities. I have a job that appreciate my efforts and allow me to explore possibilities and opportunities that may change my life. I may indulge on some self-pity sometimes but I won't let it run my life. Not anymore, at least.

All of us have issues and insecurities, I honestly believe even the most beautiful and most fortunate of us have one thing in themselves they can't accept. It's really normal... but to let it rule our life.. well, we just have to look up to the successful women of our times to know that we can surpass it all.

I'm not being all high and mighty here but I figured, why not share these with you guys and maybe you'll get something out of it. Probably, some of you are going through the same thing as I do and feels it too and could share your own thoughts about your own issues and insecurities as well.

How about you, how do you deal with your own issues and insecurities? Did you ever rule your life? How did you cope?

much love and power to all of us,
Shen